Tag Archives: online dating

Online daters: please, read your own profile

So here’s the topic of my post today – online daters who seem to not even know what their own profiles say. I recently got back into online dating. I’ve used several sites over the years, both the paid and unpaid sites. I’ve encountered so many profiles for which the owner seems to be clueless about what their own profile says. This is not a good way to make a first impression, assuming you’re looking for an actual relationship and not just a hook-up for the night.

Case in point, today I received an email from a guy who said he’d looked at my profile, found me attractive, thought we had some things in common and that he hoped to hear back from me. So I took a look at his profile. One of the first things that caught my eye was that he was a “cigar aficionado”. In the section of my profile where l list what I’m looking for, the smoking section is tagged “no way”.

That tells me that either he didn’t look at my profile very carefully, or he’s hoping that’s something I’m willing to compromise on. Since his email was worded nicely, albeit with several careless grammar errors, I decided to send him an actual reply instead of clicking on the generic, no-thanks button.

I thanked him for his email but said that I’m not interested in dating anyone who smokes. Turns out that maybe not only did he not look at my profile very carefully, but he doesn’t seem to know what his own profile says. I got a reply almost immediately in which he said, “I do not smoke. Last time I did I was on a cruise six years ago. And that was a cigar.”

Several questions start running through my mind, like – then why did you tag yourself as a “cigar aficionado”…if that’s inaccurate, what else on your profile is not true…is he trying to separate a cigar from ‘smoking’ (the way his comment was worded seemed a little strange to me)?

Normally, I would just not even reply back. But today I was feeling a little feisty. So after closing the email so I could move on, I opened it again, knowing I was going against my better judgment in doing so. But I was rather annoyed. So I sent one more reply, saying, “Okay, well your profile says you’re a cigar aficionado, so that’s what I was going off.”

I thought that would be the end of it, or that possibly he’d reply saying he hadn’t realized that was still there and that he was going to take it off since he isn’t a cigar aficionado. But no. Instead he replies again saying, “Sweet. Sorry for the confusion.” And then goes on to ask me what part of town I live in. As if the problem was solved. No mystery – he’s a cigar aficionado that doesn’t smoke.

I’m left wondering if he knows what ‘aficionado’ means, whether he actually smokes, and how serious is he? I didn’t reply this time.

If you don’t smoke, then why in the world would you want to put that on your profile? Or anything else for that matter? Although I get why people exaggerate about things like how often they visit the gym or read a book. Those are things that might impress someone. But in today’s American society, bragging about smoking isn’t generally something you do to impress people. So I find it odd that someone who doesn’t smoke would purposefully say they do.

Also, while I’m at it, please, take a minute and proofread your profiles. It’s like a resume, but instead of it being for a job that you’re probably not planning to stay at for the rest of your life, it’s for a person that you’re hoping to spend the rest of your life with. I’m not saying it needs to be completely error proof. Everyone makes mistakes and most of us have a weak spot or two in grammar (it’s commas for me). But if your profile is filled with all kinds of careless errors, it sends a message – that maybe you aren’t taking your search seriously, or that you aren’t who you say you are. If I see someone’s profile says they have a master’s degree or a PhD and yet their profile reads like it was written by someone with a seventh-grade education, I’ll close it out and move on, feeling like something just isn’t right. I also won’t acknowledge a profile that doesn’t include a picture. But that’s a topic for another day.

What bugs you about online dating? Any suggestions to make the process better?